Ground Of Being
What Is Love?
What Is Love?
Committed Benevolent Interest;
But also Committed to the other’s Best Interests.
This is a way of defining the essence of unconditional love as a genuine commitment to the well-being of the other. The levels of CBI can vary greatly.Also, I want you to know that I do play the devil's advocate in relation to my own theory. Over the course of 15 years of presenting this theory, I have actively invited anyone to make some sort of convincing argument against it, or to point out how and where it doesn't really hit the mark; so far, no takers. Just passed 15 years of trying to get someone to argue against love as I define it - committed, benevolent, interest . . . and have not found anyone.
Dr. Michael Lukens
“Do you want more love in your life? Your ideas about love can make you more lost than found in life. If you define love poorly, you shouldn’t be surprised if it doesn’t go so well. We must define it because obviously it has great significance and far-reaching implications for everything human.”
“I’ve been studying emotions of almost 30 years professionally and I have come to the conclusion that Love is NOT one of the basic emotions. The program for action that I am calling Love is, in fact, something that comes as an orientation or alignment, before any of the other basic emotions can even be activated. ”
The Intentions Of Love As CBI
This is not just the feeling of love, it’s more like the intention of love. Many feelings and emotional responses get attached to the intention that CBI is. But CBI is not reducible to those feelings or to the notion of emotional responses. Love inspires the manner and the means by which we pursue our goals and it determines how we evaluate our success, relative to our goals. Love shapes our human intentions and our motivations. Use the dropdown menu to the right to learn about the intentions that underly CBI.
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The intention of discovery and seeking understanding.
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The intentions of acquisition.
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The intention of seeking happiness with and bringing good things into the life of the other to bring joy to their world.
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The intention of protection.
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The intention of opposition and protecting.
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The intention of distress indication/comfort + support.
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The intention of opposition or accepting of parts of the other you would otherwise reject with another person.
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The intention of relationship reparation.
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The intention of self-eradication or opening up about the parts of you that you would typically hide from others.
Your Ground Of Being
This redefinition coupled with an understanding of the Biophilosophical roots of love help us understand where a person’s Ground of Being lies on the Love-Contempt Continuum. This is ‘where you come from’ before you perceive anything in the world. Your orientation to be more loving than contemptuous, or vice versa, represents your fundamental operating principle in action. Your ground of being is the ‘stance’ in relation to the world in general, or the specific ‘things’ of the world as you ‘get ready’ to relate to them and experience them.
The Biophilosophical Roots Of Love
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Love has been defined so many different ways and has been made profane in modern times. Throughout human history we've known love is critically important to us, but there is still no consensus about how love should be defined. Those who are scientifically oriented might use the reductionist explanation that includes the various releases of oxytocin or other hormones or neurochemicals that influence how we feel. Romantic types might emphasize the magnetic attraction, boy-girl, romantic idealized or sexual aspects of how we feel. Those with religious outlooks would have us focus on the spiritual or theistic features.
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So, my question is . . . What the hell is love really? The need to define and explain love came with this process, and over time, this new definition rooted, and I began to see how the idea of love and the phenomenon of being loving has so much of an influence on everything else that happens for us emotionally. Much more than I realized at first.
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Then it’s important that you begin with a workable idea of what LOVE really is . . . Consider this: If you don’t know “enough” about love, how are you going to find your way to success in your relationships or in your life in general?
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This special attribute that we call love, what is it, what does it consist of, or what is it made of? I knew that it was more than a feeling. And emotions are not feelings, or feeling states, as I prefer to call them. Feelings are a component part of the larger process that I refer to as ‘emotioning’. I use that term because I see emotions as a process, as a phenomenon and not as a commodity, not a constant or static concept. Love isn’t just something you have like other things, there's a process to it. The same is true for emotions and feelings.
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Love inspires the manner and the means by which we pursue our goals and it determines how we evaluate our success, relative to our goals. Love shapes our human intentions and our motivations.
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Committed Benevolent Interest describes so well the phenomenon of love, particularly human beings having love, not just for themselves and one another, but for other living things in the world, and even non-living things. Love consists for us as this essence, precisely because there's a commitment, there’s kindness and there’s a unique interest that is felt in relation to anyone or anything that we love. If you are committed to someone or something, coming from kindness is easy and accessible. And your interest in this person or thing is for their own well-being. Your commitment and your benevolence line up and move you to do certain things - like showing interest.
It’s time to acknowledge the social responsibility of self-understanding, love & self-love, and emotional wellness.
— Dr. Michael Lukens
What’s your ground of being like?
Where do you lie on the Love-Contempt Continuum?
To Love Means To Grant Validity To The Other To Exist.
At the very minimal level of love, we acknowledge the others’ basic right to exist - granting a validity to be. You want to see them succeed in life. At the highest levels of love, you would be willing to sacrifice your life or devote your life to or for the sake of your loved one. What then would be the opposite of love? That would be contempt.
To Contempt Means To Want To Eradicate The Other Altogether.
Contempt is withdrawing your slightest endorsement altogether, saying that the other is not valid, and even the legitimacy of their right to exist becomes a question. The highest level of contempt is a commitment so great, one would be willing to risk their own life to eradicate the other from the planet. We’ve seen this, we know this exists.
The Degree To Which Love Vs. Contempt Influences Us.
The degree to which Love vs. Contempt exists and influences each of us in relation to the world in general, and in relation to specific others, is something for all of us to contemplate. There’s one end of the spectrum – Great Love, and there’s the other end – Great Contempt.
The Human Race Has The Potential To Evolve Over Time
Humans are mostly bunched in the middle of the continuum somewhere, feeling varying degrees of love and contempt depending on the circumstances (or so we think). I think we should evolve toward more love rather than toward more contempt. Currently, our world is evolving, there’s no doubt about that.
Which Way Do You Think We Are Currently Evolving?
We clearly have something to learn about ourselves when it comes to internal inquiry, the internal examination of our heart, and whether or not it's predominantly love-based or focused on contempt. Can we prevent any inclination to devolve further into the dark side of our natures, so to speak?
How Can We Move To Enhance & Advance Towards Love?
I put forth this idea to spark an important conversation about what we could be doing individually and collectively to improve life on our planet. My intention with redefining Love as Committed Benevolent Interest is to improve our individual lives, our lives with each other, & raise collective morale on the planet